One example of international scale is that the US aided Afghanistan during the war against the atheist Soviet Union, an easy enemy for devout Muslims. As soon as the Soviet threat was beaten, the US pulled out, leaving the shattered country with only a trickle of humanitarian aid. In his post-attack video release, bin Laden explicitly stated his feeling of being abandoned by the US.

Of course no one likes to be a tool. If you thought someone was your ally, but then you found he/she was a friend of convenience, you might feel spiteful. If you had violent tendencies, you might be dangerous. This explains a major facet of bin Laden and the Afghan leaders.

Although some may condone US shifts-of-allegiance for strategic reasons, such behavior is frowned upon in other cultures. As one Indian friend told me, “In India, if I talk with you now, I’ll always talk with you. We don’t have fleeting alliances like in the US.”

On a domestic level, our same unwillingness to forge deeper relationships applies. After all, what allowed the September 11 terrorists to operate so freely in the US, renting houses, exercising in gyms, going to strip bars and taking flight classes? They operated without encumbrance because nobody really cared about them as long as they were spending money. If the Americans around them had really cared about them, then someone might have caught on to their destructive (and self-destructive) plans. If they had been smothered with neighborly concern here, they might have instead 1) left, unable to fulfill their plans, 2) been caught before the plans were brought to devastating fruition, or 3) defected and become good Americans. A caring social network in our cities and towns is much better and far cheaper than any FBI wiretapping campaign, and much easier for privacy advocates to swallow.

But it’s not just terrorism that can be minimized by a more neighborly atmosphere. It’s also petty crime, domestic violence, poverty, and other social ills. In our culture, which has become largely unsocial, it’s really no surprise that anti-social behavior flourishes.

I’ve found that many professed peace-lovers are part of the problem. Recently, I had an open-house party for neighbors. I had particularly hoped one of my more progressive-minded neighbors would come and get to know the others, but he didn’t show. Days later, I happened to see him on the bus. He said, “Sorry I couldn’t come. It was such an intense day for me with the starting of the bombing.” He had spent October 6 glued to the TV instead of taking the opportunity to meet his neighbors. He could have instead read the daily papers the next day.

Just as the US military prefers to bomb from a distance, we Americans—of all political stripes—largely prefer to relate to each other from a distance as well. The result is that our problems will not vanish, but may only increase with time.

The only development that will create lasting world peace is that humanity—especially we Americans—will undergo a general change in outlook, a change toward neighborliness and tolerance, and an understanding that aggression is a natural feeling but should not be translated into rash violence. Seeking an international, cooperative police effort at apprehending bin Laden and other terrorists would be an extremely positive first step toward forging a wider and more sincere group of international friends. The current destructive bombing of Afghanistan and hasty relationship with the Northern Alliance will be far more expensive in terms of dollars and lives, and will not solve the underlying problems. Even if Bush succeeds in dropping a bomb right on top of bin Laden’s head, this conflict will continue for years because of our lack of looking at ourselves.

What can advocates for positive change do to encourage the kind of social life this country needs, so we can start moving out of our unhealthy cycle as both a victim and perpetrator of violence? Here’s a few ideas:

1. Don’t get obsessed by TV news or minute-to-minute reporting. Read the papers tomorrow.

2. Go to parties when you’re invited, and talk about a variety of topics of concern to others, not just about your own concerns or viewpoints.

3. Have a party yourself, plan fun activities, and encourage people to stay late. Mention politics only at the right time.

4. Introduce yourself to neighbors, and ask them friendly questions.

5. Get to know immigrants from other countries. They have extremely interesting stories to tell and often appreciate practicing English.

6. Have opinions, but listen with an open mind to others of different opinion. If you disagree with someone, at least try to understand them.

7. When you move, consider moving to a denser area, where you can live closer to neighbors and friends. Suburban sprawl and widely detached houses can be very isolating. Encourage denser development and neighborhood designs that promote neighborliness.

8. Ride the bus and talk with the regulars.

9. Be dependable. Offer help to acquaintances when you sense they might need it. Do what you say you’ll do.

10. When there is a war, realize that life goes on. Don’t feel personally responsible for the war. Do what you can to create peace, but don’t burn yourself out and ignore your social life. Be patient. Concentrate on the root causes rather than the superficial causes of war. Recognize that human consciousness cannot be changed overnight.

11. Turn off your computer. Get out and talk to people at least once a day. Phone conversations are preferable to email dodgeball.